For the first time since becoming parents, it was just the two of us. No little voices calling, “Mommy! Daddy!”. No basketball practices. No school schedules. No rushing to make dinner or help with homework. Just Kev and me.
It felt strange at first, almost uncomfortable because of the “guilt” of leaving them behind and having to ask Tiff and Orlando to watch Mai Boys. After so many years of our entire identity revolving around being Mommy and Daddy, we had almost forgotten what it felt like to simply be husband and wife.
As parents, it’s easy to convince yourself that putting your children first means putting your marriage last. You tell yourself you’ll reconnect later – after this season, after they’re older, after life slows down. The problem is.. life never slows down. One practice becomes another season. There are more extracurricular activities or projects as they move to higher grades in school. Before you know it, years have passed, and somewhere along the way you’ve become incredible partners in parenting, but complete strangers as a couple. And, I never wanted that to be the story of Mai marriage. That’s why I finally summoned the courage to ask Tiff and Orlando if they could watch Mai Boys and book that trip I’d dreamed of for years.
I planned our trip around places that matched exactly what we loved doing. Three days in Hilo. Three days in Kona. We weren’t looking for crowded beaches, packed resorts, or nonstop entertainment. We (well, I) wanted to hear the ocean when I awoke and as I fall asleep. We wanted quiet mornings, slower afternoons, long drives with nowhere to be, and conversations that weren’t interrupted every four minutes. We wanted Peace. And Big Island gave us exactly that.
Hilo wrapped us in lush greenery, gentle rain, and a slower pace that almost forced us to breathe again. We wandered without an agenda, explored hidden spots, stopped whenever something caught our eye, and simply enjoyed being together. Kona gave us sunshine, beautiful sunsets, and evenings where we could sit together and watch the sky change colors without feeling rushed.
It was healing to wake up without an agenda. No schedules. No deadlines. No responsibilities except enjoying each other’s company. Some of Mai favorite moments weren’t even the adventures. They were the ordinary ones – talking over meals, watching the waves, holding hands while leisurely strolling, stealing kisses from each other, laughing over things that probably weren’t even that funny and sitting in comfortable silence. Those moments reminded us who we were before life became crazy busy. We talked about everything – our dreams, our fears, the past, our future, Mai Boys. We talked about things we had forgotten to ask each other because life had become so focused on getting through each day.
This trip and these moments reminded me that even after all these years (18 years), there’s still so much left to learn about the person you married. Marriage isn’t something you figure out once. It’s something you keep discovering, because people grow, life changes, he changes, and I change. That’s why I think it’s so important to make a conscious effort to continue to get to know each other, not because anything is wrong, but because marriages need attention just like anything else worth keeping alive.
We spend so much time investing in Mai Boys (as we should), but our marriage deserves that same investment. One day Mai Boys will grow up. They’ll build lives of their own. When that happens, I don’t want Kev and I to look at each other and wonder who we’re supposed to be together. I want us to already know. I want our Marriage to still be the foundation our Family was built on.
Looking back, I don’t think the biggest gift from this trip was Hawaii itself. It was remembering Us. We became different when we got home. We became more patient with each other. More affectionate. We make time to sit together. We’ve started Wednesday date nights. It feels like we’re in our honeymoon phase again – not that life got easier, but because we remembered why we keep choosing each other every day.
This trip reminded us that our Marriage isn’t something to fit into the leftover spaces after everything else is done. It deserves to come first. Not ahead of Mai Boys in love, but ahead in priority. Because the strongest gift we can give Mai Boys isn’t perfect parenting, it’s showing them what a healthy and loving marriage looks like.
If you’re waiting for the “perfect time” to reconnect with your spouse, this is your reminder that there probably won’t be one. Make the time. Take the trip. Go on the date. Hold their hand. Ask the questions. Laugh a little longer.
Protect your marriage while it’s healthy, not when it’s hurting.
Mai Household Mayhem 